Widows Need Friends Who Care ...Especially During the Holidays!

(as posted on OPRAH message boards)
Posted by: anniefwo - author of For Widows Only!
11/20/2006 at 10:40am (2082 of 2082)


Do you look forward to the holidays?

Most people do, but...for many people, such as widows,
the holidays loom as a horrifying period they will be required to endure.
They can run; they can hide, but the holidays will still arrive and cause them incredible pain.

If you know a widow facing her first or second set of holidays alone,
maybe you can find a way to help her through the next month.
Just beware: she (or he--widowers hurt, too) may be touchy and unwilling to let you help.
Don't take that personally; she is in a very different place than you are at this time.

How can you try to help?

• Learn as much as you can about the experience of widowhood.
   

• Invite her to have coffee/tea with you...or just phone, and tell her you want to help,
  but that she will have to tell you how, because you know she is in a pain you cannot understand.
   

• Ask if she would like you to shop with her or for her.
   

• Ask if she would like to join you for a meal. If she prefers not to, ask if you might bring her some food.
   

• If she prefers to walk the beach or drive in the country, ask if she would like your company.
   

• Give her a nice plant... not a holiday one. A nice planting of spring bulbs would be my choice,
  giving her something to look forward to after the holidays.
   

• If she agrees, send your son or husband over to shovel her walk or help with other outside chores
  her husband used to do. Every such chore is a grim reminder of her loss.
   

• Frame a picture of the couple in happier times, wrap it beautifully and present it to her.
  Include a thoughtful card, expressing your concern and your wish to be of help.
   

• Give her a small card with your phone number--
  "to be used day or night, in case you suffer an anxiety attack, or just need to talk."
   

• Help her find a widow support website like my own... http://groups.msn.com/forwidowsonly
   

• Provide her with a list of phone numbers of people who can be called when things break or go awry:
  a plumber, carpenter, electrician, landscaper, car repair service, painter, financial consultant, tax advisor. Think of jobs your husband does around your house, and jobs her husband used to do.
  This might also help you appreciate your husband more.

The secret is to imagine yourself in her place, as best you can,
and try to imagine what help you would need someone to offer.

Be kind to a widow; no one needs your thoughtfulness more than she does.